Breaking Outside the Bubble

At the end of the summer, I realized that this past summer was definitely tied for the best summer I’ve experienced so far in my existence (the other contender is the summer between junior and senior year of high school. Shout out to The Gals). Coming off such a great summer, I was anxious to begin another school year, learn tons of new stuff, see my friends again, and probably make some new ones. After feeling so free and full of inspiration and life over the summer, I’ve found myself not feeling that same bit of magic since school has started.

Since I’m a junior now, all of my classes relate to my major and minors, meaning I’m in all English and art classes. That sounds so prime, right? Well, for some reason it’s not as fulfilling as I anticipated. Although I’m enjoying creating and reading in all of my classes, I’ve realized that for the first time that I can recall, school isn’t the main thing I want to focus my energy on. After being at school for part of the summer, working a little and having time to spend hours in a coffee shop writing (I’m not an asshole, I swear), or spend the afternoon sitting on my front porch sketching, I kind of wish I had that same bit of time to freely create and do things that make my soul happy. School certainly does make my soul happy, but I suppose I got too used to being more in control of my time. 

The Gals, this summer

I write and edit for a beautiful online magazine called the Lala, and that is quickly becoming something I wish I could spend more time with. I’ve also done several commissioned art projects over the past few months, and I wish I could spend more time on those, rather than squeezing them in between school things. Even outside of creating things on my own time, I crave more time to create and sustain relationships with others. I live with two of my best friends in a small room in my sorority house, yet there have been several times throughout this semester where we’ve gone days without seeing one another because we’re all so busy. Outside of that friendship, I have other relationships that I wish I had more time for as well. It’s just a strange place to be mentally, where I know that all of the people and opportunities I have are because of me being at school, yet I wish I didn’t have school to distract me from these people and opportunities.

This feels a bit like I’m coming across saying I’m not enjoying school, and that’s not the case. I can’t properly articulate how I feel. I guess I’m just lazy and wish I didn’t have things to do all the time. I feel like school is something I have to do, rather than something I’m excited for. I still get excited about school, but not as consistently as I have in the past. I think it’s because I’m straddling the idea of being a student and being in the so-called “Butler Bubble,” and wanting to break out of this bubble and do things “in real life” that I want to do.

I know next year as a senior when “real life” is quickly approaching, I’ll crave more time in the bubble, but this is how I feel now. I’ve concluded that just because I feel differently about school and my focuses are changing, that doesn’t mean that’s not okay. I still love learning. I still enjoy all my classes. I’m still creating things and improving my creative skills because of my peers and professors. I just would like the space to apply these things to projects outside of school.

Do you feel the same way? Stuck in a rut between doing school things and wanting to do outside of school things? Not sure? Think about it. Self-reflection is fun.

Things I Learned My Sophomore Year, Part Two

I posted part one of things I learned this past year yesterday, so check that out here. Here's the rest of what I learned my sophomore year of college.

10. Finding a new study spot is refreshing and can increase productivity. Going along with not liking being comfortable, changing up the where you do your homework can make a mundane task a wee bit more exciting.

11. Sneaking into the dining hall whenever possible is always a great idea. I live in a sorority house and have my meal plan through that, so I wasn’t able to experience the greatness of the university dining hall this year (I'm being completely serious. I love Atherton). Towards the end of second semester, however, I snuck in several times and enjoyed some delicious soft serve ice cream.

12. If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try. I began a new minor this year in a subject I knew very little about, and changed my second minor at the end of the year to another subject I know very little about. I was quite terrified to do both things, but knew that doing so would ultimately challenge me and make me happier. *Again, note not liking feeling comfortable.

Reading my poetry at an open mic night. I was terrified.

13. You can do hard things. Just because you’ve never done something before and the challenge of breaking ground on it seems difficult, that doesn’t mean you aren’t capable. I discovered my love of writing poetry this year, something I never thought I could do in a million years. I also helped organize a protest. I never thought I’d do that either.

14. Now is the time to explore. When else in my life am I going to have the opportunity to learn so many different things from so many different people with little to no real-life responsibilities in one contained environment? Probably never, so if I want to take a philosophy class just for funzies, I should. If I want to road trip across state lines to see a concert when I have class the next morning, I should. If I want to eat nothing but ice cream all day long while my metabolism is still bumpin’, I should.

15. Now is the time to be selfish. Similar to the above point, now is the time to figure things out about myself and do stuff I won’t be able to do when I have a real-life job and other adult responsibilities. I should take advantage of this feeling of being suspended in time between having some freedom and responsibility without having to pay bills or mow the lawn or have a full time job.

16. Leaving people anonymous notes makes you feel as good as it makes them feel. Hardly anyone has even gotten upset for someone telling them how awesome they are. This year, I fell into the habit of telling the people I love what I love about them, whether that be by verbally telling them, or by leaving them an anonymous note. It made me feel good to outwardly express my love for the people in my life, and I hope it made them feel good hearing it.

17. Time is weird and will alter your relationships with others. If you go months without keeping in touch with your friends from home, your relationship with them will be different when you meet up again. If you are close with someone for a certain amount of time, but then go a while without speaking, they won’t seem like a real person when you talk to them again, rather an idea of the person you once knew. The way we measure time is essentially made up, but it still governs so much of our lives, and that is weird.

18. Do what feels right. Nothing really matters but doing things that make you happy, and doing things that make others happy. If happiness and avoiding being an asshole are really all that matters, ignore the small stresses and just do what feels right. Trust me, it will feel right.

This past school year was an incredible time for self-growth and reflection, and I am conscious of the new discoveries I made in others and in myself. Thanks to everybody who inspires me every day, and thanks for caring enough about what I have to say to read this. Y'all rock. 

Things I Learned My Sophomore Year, Part One

I did a lot of self-reflection this past year of school, and I feel I learned a lot about myself. To avoid losing your attention by making the list too long, here is part one of my discoveries. Check back tomorrow for part two!

1. It’s okay to feel how you feel without knowing why you feel it. If you can be happy for no reason, it’s okay to be sad for no reason too. Emotions are too powerful to be rationalized, so don’t try.

2. You choose who you’re friends with. You don’t have to be friends with someone just because you have class with them or because they live near you, or even because you've just always been friends. If they don’t inspire you or make you a better person, why bother?

3. Always welcome real talk from people, no matter how well you know them. If someone you don’t know super well feels comfortable telling you personal things, you should welcome it and take the opportunity to deepen your friendship with them. Plus, you can gain a new perspective and learn something.

4. Doing things on your own is sometimes better than in a group. Wandering on your own and experiencing things in solitude can be a lot better than doing things with others and having to keep up with the conversation of the group. Alone time rocks.

5. You can never get bored if you talk to your brain. If you allow your brain to speak to you and you observe things or talk out loud to yourself or just sit and doodle for hours, you can never be truly bored. Your brain and a pen and paper is all you need to keep yourself occupied.

#FannyPackFriday

6. If you are your authentically strange self, people will be excited about it. If you declare every Friday to be Fanny Pack Friday and you forget to wear a fanny one week, people will miss the fanny and encourage you to continue next week. Also, if you and your friend wear onesies to a party, you’ll make so many new friends. *Note: these are both known from real-life experience. 

7. I don’t like being comfortable. I’ve discovered that I thrive and feel more inspired and excited about life when I’m not doing the same thing over and over every day. Being in an environment where each encounter you have with someone varies drastically, and you can change the course of your day at the drop of a hat makes me excited. I’m an art major for goodness sake; nothing is comfortable or secure about that.

8. Coffee is actually really great, and so is tea. Few things are quite as comforting as a slightly caffeinated warm beverage.

9. Everyone else will freak out a lot more over you not shaving your legs than you will. If you want to go four months during the wintertime without shaving your legs, then by golly you should do it. Ignore the haters who will tell you you’re “gross,” or “look like a man,” or “really need to go shave.” Yeah right, nobody needs to shave.

Check back tomorrow for numbers 10-17. OOOH THE SUSPENSE!