My name is Bekah, and I get wedgies.
I imagine that you also get wedgies, as does every person on
this beautiful earth. There’s no shame in admitting it; take a moment, say it
out loud. This is a safe space.
When you get a wedgie in the privacy of your own home, no
problem. You pick that buddy out of your crack without hesitation. But what
happens if your undies slowly creep up into your cheeks while you’re at the grocery
store, walking to class, or waiting in line at Target? If you’re lucky, you’ll
duck down an aisle where no one’s behind you and take a quick little pick and
carry on, or maybe you can discretely delude the situation as you take a seat
in the coffee shop, hoping no one notices or they just think you’re smoothing
out your shorts before you take a sit. No matter the situation, one thing is
clear: public wedgie picking is met with fear, shame, and hesitation, leaving
you with fabric in unwanted places for far too long.
Well folks, I’m here to start a wedgie revolution. Who’s to
say public wedgie picking has to be off limits? Who’s to say that we should be
forced to walk around with fabric in our nooks and crannies just because
someone might see us?
NEWSFLASH PEOPLE: THIS IS AMERICA. WE HAVE FREE SPEECH. WE CAN EAT FAST FOOD FOR BREAKFAST. LET US PICK OUR WEDGIES WITHOUT FEAR OF JUDGEMENT OR SCORN. LET US START A WEDGIE REVOLUTIOOOONNNNN!
NEWSFLASH PEOPLE: THIS IS AMERICA. WE HAVE FREE SPEECH. WE CAN EAT FAST FOOD FOR BREAKFAST. LET US PICK OUR WEDGIES WITHOUT FEAR OF JUDGEMENT OR SCORN. LET US START A WEDGIE REVOLUTIOOOONNNNN!
I don’t mean to insinuate anyone walks around with wedgies
all the time, but it does happen to the best of us once in a while. In recent
weeks I’ve resorted to picking wedgies in public, and let me tell you, it’s
freeing. My rear is happy, and I’m happy, and that’s all that matters.
Join me. Pick your wedgies in public. You deserve it.
#WedgieRevolution
